Do You Play the Blame Game in Life?

The Blame Game

Do You Play the Blame Game in Life?

Does everyone around you make your life a living nightmare? Do you hate your job, dislike your marriage, and have more debt than you ever wanted? Life is so unfair sometimes, isn’t it?

…Or is it really life?

If you’re the type of person who often thinks about how bad of a life you have, and the hits just keep coming, it’s likely you play the blame game. The blame game is when you blame everything and everyone around you for what is wrong with your life.

Of course, you can have a million reasons for believing it’s everyone and everything around you that makes life so difficult, but the reason your life is difficult ultimately falls on you. I know it’s not easy to swallow, but bear with me.

Think about your life. YOUR life right now depends on what everyone and everything does to it. You are a victim.

You are continuously hit, and while you believe that you are trying to avoid the abuse, you’re just not able to get away from it. You continue to feel the pain everyone and everything inflicts on you.

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How to Overcome Self Destructive Behavior

Why do we do things that cause us harm?

We’re pretty rational beings.

We want to be happy and healthy.

We’re wired to live, survive and thrive.

We know better.

Yet we continue to overeat, smoke, drink excessively, shop compulsively and engage in a variety of other activities that are detrimental to our health and wellbeing.


The answer may surprise you.

The Development of Self Destructive Behavior

Internalization of a Negative Belief

Self destructive behavior typically starts with a negative belief about yourself. You aren’t happy with the way you look. You don’t think you’re intelligent enough. You don’t feel worthy of love.

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Don’t Allow People and Circumstances Control Your Life

Do you allow people and circumstances control your life, moods, and state of mind?

How do you feel, if your boss criticizes your work, or tells you something you don’t like?

How do you react, when a driver enters recklessly, and without signaling, into your lane, in front of your car?

In these and similar situations, do you, keep thinking about the incident? Do you get angry, unhappy or frustrated?

This happens to almost everybody, almost everyday. Just think, how many minutes, and often hours, you spend every day, dwelling on what this person said and that person did. If you take these incidents too personally you become unfocused and inefficient at work, at home, at everywhere else.

We let people and circumstances control our life, if we let them affect our moods and state of mind.

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Don’t Let the Past Shape Your Future

Most of the events of your life have been shaped by your thoughts, attitude and expectations. If your life doesn’t change and doesn’t improve, it means that you are not changing your thoughts, attitude and expectations. It is like playing the same movie in your mind, over and again, and enacting it in your real life, time and again.

There is no reason to cling to thoughts, beliefs, attitude and expectations. You can change them if you really want. If you change them, you will start seeing life in a different way, acting in a different way, and consequently, changing the events and situations in your life.

Even if circumstances do not change, or cannot be changed, your attitude would be different, and therefore, the impact of circumstances on you would be different, milder, or even non-existent.

If your thoughts have always been negative, and you keep repeating them, how do you expect to improve your life?

Don’t let the past shape your future.

Your past thoughts created your present, but there is no need to repeat these thoughts. You can think other thoughts. You can think of what you want, irrespective of your current situation.

If you start thinking about success, instead of thinking about failure, and keep this way of thinking, in time, these thoughts would affect your life. What you think in the present, would change your future.

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What is Social Anxiety?

Social anxiety, also sometimes known as social phobia, is a condition in which you experience high levels of anxiety about being criticized by or judged in a negative way by others. In some surveys as many as 10% of people have been found to suffer from the condition, although it was not commonly recognized as a form of anxiety disorder until the 1980s. If you suffer from social anxiety then you may experience some or all of the following:

  • Extreme worry that in public places such as at meetings, work or when shopping that other people will be watching you and finding fault with you
  • Severe feelings of inferiority or inadequacy and a sense that other people are more intelligent than you or that you have nothing to say to them that will be of value
  • Fear of going into a situation where you are expected to contribute to a discussion or give a presentation
  • Extreme sensitivity to criticism from others
  •  Physical symptoms such as sweating, blushing, stammering or shaking when thinking about having to take part in a situation about which you are nervous.
  • Perfectionist tendencies – believing that unless you to do something perfectly you have failed

What can you do to if you suffer from social anxiety?

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Is It Necessary to Control Anger?

Angry Monkey

Is it necessary to control anger? The answer is no! Controlling anger is not the best option.

Confused? I will make this clearer.

When you are angry, and you try to control the anger, one or more things might happen:

You will bottle up your anger, which is very unhealthy.

You will fight your anger, which means that you will focus your attention on it, trying to restrain it. However, what you focus on grows, so that though you try to control your anger, you get the opposite result. Focus your attention on controlling anger leads to inner fight, more attention paid to the anger, and consequently, more anger and frustration.

Anger is best controlled indirectly.

There are several things that you can do to avoid getting angry, or if you get angry, not let the anger grow. I have provided a few simple tips in my articles, but they don’t focus directly on controlling the anger. These tips can help you calm down, and they can help you prevent anger from culminating. You can use them in the various situations you encounter in your day-to-day life.

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Do You Want to Improve the Quality of Your Life?

BooksDo you want to improve the quality of your life?

Most people have a desire to improve the quality of their life, earn more money, get a better job, have a good house, or find someone to love.

Some people get what they want, many others just dream about a better life, and a few try to do something about it. They read books, attend seminars, and participate in workshops and courses, with the hope that they will help them.

The question is, what are you doing with all the information you are collecting? Do you just finish one book and then start another, go to this course and that workshop? Do you hope that the next book, the next lecture or the next retreat would help you? Do you spend a lot of money on books, workshops and seminars, but stay in the same place?

Reading, and attending lectures and courses are great, provided they teach some real stuff, but without personal work and effort, nothing happens. You can read million of books, accumulate a lot of theoretical information and understanding, but your life won’t change.

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People Judge You Like They Do A Book, By The Cover

I’m sure that you’ve heard the old saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover”. However, according to book publishers, that is exactly what we do. Book publishers will tell you that your cover design is one of the most important decisions that you can make when creating a book.

The reason is that research has proven that when making a decision to purchase a book, most people spend about 3 seconds looking at the front cover and about 7 seconds looking at the back cover. Maybe they will flip through the book quickly; nevertheless, if they like the “look” of the book then they will buy it. Some may flip through the book to see of there is any content – but most don’t. They purchase the book based on its “look.”

Strangely enough, people do the same thing with you; they judge you by your “cover” – your image.

We all create an “image,” in people’s mind. That “image,” can often be quite different that we have of ourselves. Yet, other people’s image of us may be more correct. Yet, their image is more correct. Why? Because it is sometimes hard to see ourselves as we appear to others and that appearance is, usually, more aligned with the “true” you. (We are just “too close to the forest to see the trees.”)

For example, you may feel that you are a good person, a hard worker, and a good and trusted friend who is always fun to be around; however, others may see you as a person who is insecure, who gossips, and is whiny.

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Quotes on Patience

I have added a new page to the website, with quotes about patience. Here are a few of the quotes: A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else. George Savile You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. Franklin P. Jones Adopt the pace … Continue Reading…