By Remez Sasson
How do you feel when your plans do not work out?
How do you feel, and how do you react, when an electrical appliance stops working?
How do you react when a driver suddenly enters into the lane in front of you on the highway?
What happens when you are not treated well by friends, neighbors colleagus or strangers?
How do you react, when you feel that you have not been given a good service at a shop?
How do you react, when your boss requires too much of you, or yells at you?
How do you react, when someone behaves impolitely toward you?
How do you feel, when someone keeps talking about his or her fears or problems?
Do you get angry easily? Do your moods go up and down often?
Do you spend a lot of time brooding over problems, fears, or things said to you?
Life is not always honey and roses. There are problems, obstacles and uncomfortable situations. How do you deal with them? Do you get angry or aggressive? Do you sulk and keep your feelings boiling inside you? Do you get agitated, nervous and stressed?
It is natural for people to react in an automatic way, sometimes in a way that hurts them and other people. By brooding and dwelling on hurts, you hurt yourself. By getting angry with people, you hurt yourself. You lose your freedom, when you let external influences affect. You allow people to manipulate you, when you let their words and actions affect your mind, feelings, and behavior.
Only people who can stay calm in trying situations are free people. Only people who can choose not to get involved emotionally with unpleasant words, thoughts and feelings are really free.
Have you ever thought how much time and energy you waste when you dwell on assumed hurts, reliving unpleasant situations in your mind, or worrying about what this or that person said?
Get free! You can save a lot of time each day, doing constructive things, instead of sitting in the puddle of self pity, anger or emotional turmoil caused by external causes.
How can you do that? You can do so by becoming more conscious of your thoughts, feelings and reactions.
- Try to become more conscious of how you react to people and to events.
- Take a few deep breaths before you react emotionally and irrationally.
- Try to smile more often, and not to take everything too personally.
Remember, everything you focus on, grows. The things you don’t focus on, don’t grow and don’t gain power. Therefore, don’t focus on hurts, real or supposed, on unpleasant things said to you, on fears, on anger, and on reactions, and they will lose their power over you.
I am talking here about developing emotional detachment. This is a skill that can completely transform your life, thinking, and the manner you react in the various situations of your life. I am not talking about becoming inconsiderate or avoiding feelings. I am talking about positive emotional detachment, which can bring peace, calmness, sanity, balance and happiness into your life. It is a kind of emotional detachment that co-exists with love, caring, being open minded, activity, and a full life.