Can people really be helped if they don’t want to be. My opinion is mixed. I think as a therapist you can give advice to start the groundwork of change and self-rationalization. However permanent change will only take place when the person decides they are ready for the change. What’s your opinion.

I think absolutely not. I spent 12 years being married to someone who had no real interest in changing. He pretended to and he liked the 'idea' of changing, but almost nothing changed at all. The only difference that I can see is that he became somewhat less racist after some point, but otherwise, it didn't matter how much he saw or felt or experienced, it was the same in the end.

I just gave up on a friend who decided he'd rather have the devil he knew..... again. New version of the same problem. Slightly different packaging, but same underlying issue. It likely won't turn out pretty, but I can't give it any more of my attention. So I'm going to go with no. You can't change someone else -- you can only give them the opportunity and tools to change themselves.

---

Hmmm. I just posted a long post on here and it doesn't seem to be showing up.

In short, I will have to say no. We can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped. We can give them the tools and the opportunity to change, but if they don't want to, it won't happen.

You can lead a horse to water.... and all that.

People have different perspectives. There are so many new life movements that people have shifted their thought process. But it is mostly essential to understand the basic concept behind every force.

I have experienced this recently while trying to help friends succeed. To an extent, they absolutely can be helped--they're stuck in the mainstream method of doing things (like pursuing a degree, etc.) because it's what they've been taught. I can expose them to new ways of accomplishing what they want.

... But, that's pretty much where it stops. Unfortunately, some people just don't want change.

Then again, a year ago I didn't want change. I took up a mentor out of frustration, and he was able to lift me out of my depression and open my mind.

So, I think stubborn people can be helped to a certain extent. They can't be forced, but they can be exposed to options which may cause them to rethink things.

(04-22-2011 02:13 PM)Paul22 Wrote:  Can people really be helped if they don’t want to be. My opinion is mixed. I think as a therapist you can give advice to start the groundwork of change and self-rationalization. However permanent change will only take place when the person decides they are ready for the change. What’s your opinion.

Absolutely not. There has to be at least some desire to fix the problem. I used to waste my time working with people who didn't want to change. I dropped them all. I can't change a persons mind.

Now, helping someone come to the conclusion that they want to fix the problem is another issue. I often will question people into giving me answers on things that I believe they should change. --> Once they become aware, then they can change..

Hi guys! By the way, just to share there's been a book written ''The Suited Monk'' and there's an online discussion going on, about clarifying what your Suit (social identity) is and what your inner Monk (your life's purpose) is. In my case, My Suit is being an entrepreneur and workshop facilitator and my inner Monk is helping people live happier lives and yours?

[quote='Paul22' pid='1806' dateline='1303481589']
Can people really be helped if they don’t want to be.
I wouldn't like to use the word 'stubborn' as it feels like a judgement.
Why would you help when the other doesn't want to be? The person might not be ready to receive help but some unconditional love and compassion
wouldn't do any harm.

It doesn't mean that they are stubborn. It is just a fact that they, themselves can't accept the fact where they are in. Even if they wanted to be helped but they can't accept and understand the situation and trust themselves to solve the problem, then it will be a big problem. There comes the therapist role of understanding them and taking them in a step by step process of healing.