Our thoughts are led by our feelings and followed by our actions. We can control our thoughts by controlling our emotions, thus attaining a pleasant state of mind in which only positive energy flows. We will be able to root out the negative thoughts occurring within us and find ways to solve our problems.
Fear is the root cause of most negative emotions. When we hesitate to take the step further towards our goal, we create opportunities for others to succeed.
We are solely responsible for our failures. If mistakes are not corrected when they are committed, they accumulate over the time causing failures, which eventually result in the loss of invaluable assets.
Without proper planning we always feel the work getting accumulated. This builds up stress and leads to frustration, which has an adverse affect on our health and relationships. Do not think about the past or worry about the future. Learn from your own mistakes and that of others.
By taking a walk in our garden or in a park with our family, we not only spend time with them but also get some fresh air, which activates our brain cells and makes us sharp and creative.
Fear and Anger are provoked by mere assumptions. We can always seek clarification. Even expectations are equally bad. When something we expected fails to happen it leads to disappointment. To attain satisfaction we must learn to compromise.

yes, we must know how to control our emotions so that we won't be enslaved by it. That's why our head was placed above our hearts to rule over our emotions, and not vice versa.

But sometimes, it's inevitable that most people are emotional and they tend to act with their feelings and not with their intellect. sad but true

Thanks for your feedback. A sensitive mind fails to take sensible decisions. If we face a problem in our career, in most cases it will be due to our ignorance and if one faces a problem in relationships, the prime reason will be either one's ego in accepting his /her mistakes. All emotions reflect on our health too. Hence, we must learn to control them and think of ways to solve our problems.

Watch out with this control. I agree that our will to be happy must be stronger than anything else, but when you feel alone, don't try to control it, just feel it. Some people flee theirs emotions with control and try to act as if they don't have one, but in fact they are just building a big wall to avoid these emotions.

In my spiritual path I learned to accept everything that I live, good thing and bad thing and to take the time to observe it and then I really feel free of them.

Suppressing our feelings is different from overcoming them. It is natural to become excited when we receive something and get upset when we lose the same. We can always share our joys and sorrows with someone special but if we do not have anyone that close to our heart, it is better to stop expecting than becoming depressed. We need to get in touch with the right people who can assist us in whatever tasks we undertake. If we fail to find such a person we can accomplish the task by ourselves successfully through proper planning. Fear not only obstructs us from giving our endeavour a good start but also stops us from completing it successfully. If we face any problems in our career or relationships it is better to find a solution than just jump to conclusions.

The best way I could explain what I do to free myself from any suffering is in that book.
I did this practice and I still do every day of my life. I am aware that it's not for everyone, but maybe that will help you like it did for me.

[quote]The Transmutation Technique

First step (inner contact): Refresh your memory of the emotion and the situation linked to it. Take a deep breath and feel this emotion without limitation. It is in your belly, within you, and you can feel it more and more. Do not amplify it from your normal stance as the victim of this emotion. Instead, listen to it, feel whatever it brings up for you, taste its flavor, accept its shape and form and how it defines itself (even if that is different than how you were defining it), contemplate it, and hold it within you. Be at peace and relive the emotion for a few breaths, up to one full minute. Be at peace. Later in your training you may perform this with some more powerful emotions. For now, just enjoy peacefully contemplating the positive change you just made.

Rarely, you may feel the need to express an emotion outwardly, in order to release some pressure that seems to be building up. On those rare occasions, (and this is not to be done frequently), simply release what you need to let go of, but never lose control over this experiment. When you are just learning these techniques, it is too easy to revert to victim stance, and to begin amplifying how terrible the situation is. Remember that you are practicing just becoming aware of the emotion. When you are unable to bear the intensity of an emotion, you may release some of the pressure; then just continue on with the process. It is obviously not the goal to keep this emotion trapped inside of you, or buried; rather it is the goal of this exercise to release the hold you have on it. Thus it is perfectly fine to perform the process while expressing some normal human emotion. Simply keep track of the experiment without losing your grip on the process. Breathe into your abdomen throughout the entire
process. Do not breathe from your upper torso. Hold the situation that caused the emotion in your mind while you feel the emotion.

Second step (integration): Get inside the emotion and follow wherever it leads you. Breathe deeply and comfortably. As the air flows into your abdomen, your task, as consciousness, is to penetrate the emotion and let it absorb you. Be aware of all the feelings that entering this emotion evokes for you, whether you feel pain or emptiness, coldness or heat, anger or sadness. Get inside of it and become it. The process of Integration requires a conscious fusion of you and the emotion. You are going to allow yourself to be enveloped within the emotion; to be integrated into it. For a few minutes, breathe and accept, breathe and become, breath and feel. Follow the path this emotion leads you on, and you will notice that most of the time, the emotion will be covering another emotion that is buried beneath it.

Every emotion arises into our consciousness because it is linked with some human experience. Use your mind to follow these experiences from the past so that you can remember what happened. You might run thru a few events (while following your emotions), until you come to the first time in your life that you felt that emotion. Stay focused. Do not jump from one thread to another; trace one experience to its root cause, following one thread at a time. As you allow the emotions to exist, without avoiding them or rejecting them, the emotion is freed up, and the
energy associated with it ceases to be trapped; the emotion is alive again, emancipated. When you stop blocking it and permit it to BE, your consciousness can understand the profound essence of that emotion.

from the book
Quantum Buddhism
Mahajrya Bodhana Sutra / Teachings on Awakening to the Great Field
by MahaVajra

Another practical approach to solving problems is to look at it from a different angle. This can be attained only in a cool mind. When we become emotional we can take a deep breath and question ourselves whether we are doing the right thing. This will help us in realizing the cause of the problem and finding a way to solve it.

In most cases we can avoid problems by keeping our senses alert. Breathing exercises can help us relax and attain a good presence of mind.

So is it the feeling that comes first? I was under the impression that uncontrolled thought led to uncontrolled emotion, which in turn led to uncontrolled action and a life out of control. So thought control is very important.

mmm, I'm not sure if one thing comes before another one, but what I know is the only thing you can be sure is what you feel inside. Observe our mental is surely important, but I observe that my mental sometimes tries to hide my emotion by trying to understand them or to make them more dramatic than they are.

It is easier to understand why we behaved in a certain way than why particular thoughts entered our mind. We can think of right ways to solve problems with a cool mind. To attain this presence of mind we must control our emotions. Our thoughts depend on our state of mind. It can be said that accumulated thoughts can provoke emotions. We will not have a good presence of mind when it is preoccupied with thoughts. To avoid this we must stop thinking about the past and worrying about the future. We must always live in the present. If anything we see or hear provokes us we can take a deep breath and question ourselves if we are doing the right thing.

This method is also known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which is a psycho-therapeutic approach, a talking therapy, that aims to solve problems concerning dysfunctional emotions and behaviors through a goal-oriented, systematic procedure. Getting emotional while dealing with problems will obstruct the clarity in our thinking, hence making the situation worse. So, we must control our emotions and come to a cool state of mind, in which we can easily find solutions to our problems.

How timely.

I'm actually trying to control my emotions not to ring my ex-gf this holiday season. It took all my will just as not to dial her number. Quite difficult being alone in this supposed to be "happiest-time-of-the-year"

If we think with a calm mind, we will realize that there is a reason behind anything we feel, think or do. First we must try to figure out the motive behind our actions. At times, we will find that there are many causes for our problems. Once we identify the right one, we will be able to find a way to solve it.

(02-14-2011 09:22 AM)shriram_v Wrote:  If we think with a calm mind, we will realize that there is a reason behind anything we feel, think or do. First we must try to figure out the motive behind our actions. At times, we will find that there are many causes for our problems. Once we identify the right one, we will be able to find a way to solve it.

A calm mind, what a good idea ! Most of the time we can't think clearly, because we are too much dramatic. A good thing to do is to put your experience into perspective. Think as a soul , not as a human. If you would remember that you always been there and you will always be there, your problem will seem not that dramatic and you will be able to see clearly.

As you had mentioned earlier in this thread, breathing exercises help us to control our emotions in the long run. The slower we breathe the longer we live. In today's fast pacing world where we need a good presence of mind to think with clarity and take right decisions amidst stress we must learn to control our emotions. Our emotions affect the way we communicate, the decisions we make and the actions we take. This can also provoke another person's emotions, thus affecting the way he thinks and the action he takes. Our emotions suppressed over time become our mood. When we feel an emotion rising within us we can take a deep breath, which helps us control the same.