The Do’s and Don’ts of Sending Sympathy Gifts: A Guide to Thoughtful Giving

When you’re in a position to support someone in the throes of grief, it can be challenging to navigate sensitivities and preferences. Should you send a card right now? Can you send a meal? What if they don’t like it? It’s a lot to think about.

For that reason, we’re here to help. We can help you work through the “do’s” and guide you in the right direction. Then, you can wander down to the “don’ts” and ensure you’re not doing more harm than good.

The Do’s of Sending Sympathy Gifts

The do’s listed here are all about taking the feelings of your friend or loved one into consideration. What do they need? How can you be of service? Above all, take some time to sit with your thoughts and reflect on a gift that will be meaningful.

Here’s what you should definitely do:

Consider the Recipient’s Needs

The easiest possible starting point when considering sympathy gifts is to consider what’s practical. Think about the position your friend or loved one is in now. Do they need a nice warm meal? Maybe they could use a house cleaning service?

A loved one with small children might appreciate some extra help with the kids. These are just a few examples of how you can hit the mark with your gift.

Personalize

Once you’ve considered what your loved one might need, think of ways to personalize the gift. A gift that says, “I see you, and I know you,” can be incredibly powerful. It shows that you honor and recognize the person grieving at an individual level.

If you send a meal, you might send their favorite soup or casserole. If you send a plant, make sure it’s their favorite plant. Personalized presents add that little touch that says so much more.

Include a Thoughtful Note

Of course, no matter what you decide to give, you should always include a thoughtful note. If you can write the note by hand, that will make the letter all the more precious.

Regardless of how you send the note, sit with your feelings and memories of the person grieving. Take time to express your deepest regards with words that come from your heart.

Be Prompt

While it’s important to take time to consider thoughts, feelings, and needs, you don’t want to take too much time. While you traditionally have a year to give a gift after a wedding, after someone suffers a loss, you want to send your gift promptly.

The more quickly you offer support, the more meaningful that support will be because it will arrive while the need is still strong.

The Don’ts of Sending Sympathy Gifts

Now that you’ve looked at what you should do, it’s time to think about what you shouldn’t. It doesn’t seem obvious, but there are ways that sympathy gifts can be inappropriate or offensive.

Here’s what not to do:

Forget to Be Sensitive

It’s crucial you remember when sending a gift that it’s not about you. It’s about the recipient. Especially if you’re trying to be prompt, you might rush into an inappropriate gift.

For example, if your loved one practices a religion different than your own, a religious-based gift could be offensive. Take your loved one’s culture and practices into account, and you’re more likely to take care of their feelings.

Be Excessive

Sometimes, your first instinct might be to send a grandiose gift to make up for the fact that you can’t be there. Or you might spend a bunch of money as a way of trying to show you care.

What you might not realize is that overspending in this way can feel like you’re being thoughtless. Your loved one might think you’re trying to spend money instead of taking time to show support.

Assume Preferences

It can be easy to think you know what your loved one or friend wants. If you’re close to the person grieving, you could quickly come up with a gift that mirrors speed over intent.

Make sure your loved one actually likes chicken soup, houseplants, or whatever else you plan to send. Assuming preferences without being sure can have the opposite effect of the one you’re trying to accomplish.

Worry About Perfection

Finally, remember that good is better than perfect. If you belabor the point for days on end, you may send the gift later than you hoped. The need for perfection can be your enemy in this situation.

When you want to show support, love, and care, focus more on your feelings and the recipient’s needs. Then, you’ll be sure to send something that has a positive impact.

Send a Sympathy Gift from the Heart

In the end, the most important thing you can do when it comes to sending a sympathy gift is to send it from your heart.

Are there a few do’s and don’ts to think about first? Yes, of course. But the reality is that as long as you’re personalizing a gift your loved one needs, they’re likely to feel the love you’re sending with it.