How to Build Self Confidence in 12 Steps

Building Self Confidence

Do you wish you had more confidence and more self esteem? Confidence is a most skill important in everyone’s life.

Most people are not born with this quality of character. However, you can build it up if you lack this skill.

You can build self-confidence by changing your mindset and your attitude toward life, even if various personal experiences in the past caused you to lose it.

Here are a few reasons why it is so important to possess this skill:

  • Self confidence is important in everyone’s life, because it gives courage, self-esteem and assertiveness. When self-confidence is present, you are not afraid to take risks and to try new things.
  • Self-confidence is essential for a happy and successful life.
  • It is a quality of character that most people appreciate.
  • When you possess confidence you can refuse to allow people’s words and actions to affect you how you feel.
  • Being confident, you do not take things too personally. This means a more peaceful life.
  • When you improve your self confidence, you improve your emotional and mental health.

Self confidence is often affected by how you believe people see you.

If you have low self-esteem, you would probably believe and feel that people don’t have a high opinion of you, which will of course, undermine your self confidence.

If you see yourself in your mind’s eye as lacking self confidence, you will behave accordingly, and people would treat you accordingly.

If you see yourself in your mind’s eye as strong and assertive, you would broadcast this attitude to the people you meet, who would sense your inner strength and treat you accordingly.

How to Build Your Self-Confidence

Here are a few self confidence tips to help you build your confidence and feeling of self-worth.

1. Think about what you have already done in your life

Even if you experienced failure and unhappiness in your life, there certainly are a few achievements.

These need not be great achievements, but quite simple ones, such as getting good grades at school or college, promotion at work, getting along well with your neighbors, getting your driving license, or learning to swim.

Thinking about those achievements makes you realize that you have experienced success in your life, and not all is failure.

This would make you feel better about yourself and about your life, and improve your self-esteem.

2. Focus on what you did and achieved, not on what you did not do and did not achieve

Why fill your mind with scenarios of failure?

If you keep thinking about failure, you unconsciously expect and anticipate it, and might eventually attract it to you. This would further spoil your sense of self-confidence.

You should replace this negative movie in your mind with a movie about success. See yourself in your mind, where you really want to be, living the life you really want.

If you keep watching a movie of success in your mind, you will eventually attract success. This process would build up your self-confidence.

3. Write down a list of your achievements and success

Take another step toward building your self-confidence and write down a list of your achievements and success, and at look at this list often.

You might say that you have never experienced success.

You are wrong about that.

You surely had, even if only occasionally, experienced some kind of success. Even baking a good cake, being in good relations with your spouse or children, or going for a walk almost every day is a form of success.

More Tips for Building Self-Confidence>

4. Think about your talents and abilities

Set a time each day to think about your talents and abilities, and find ways to develop and use them. Do not say that you have no talents and skills. Everyone has some. You just need to find them.

5. Strengthen your willpower and self-discipline

Lack of self-confidence goes hand in hand with lack of willpower and self-discipline.

When you strengthen your willpower and self-discipline, your self-confidence would grow strong too. I have written a lot about these topics in many articles.

I have also written a book about this topic, so there is no need to go deeper into it here.

Stronger willpower and self-discipline means more assertiveness, more self-esteem and more confidence.

6. Set small, simple goals

Set small, simple goals that are within your reach, and go achieve them. This will greatly boost your confidence.

I am talking about really small goals, such as cleaning and arranging your wardrobe or drawers, inviting friends to your house, starting to learn swimming, taking a short walk, or talking with someone whom you don’t like.

These small acts will make you feel better about yourself and increase your self-confidence.

A Few More Tips for Strengthening Your Self-Confidence>

7. Develop a positive attitude

Instead of focusing on negative events and expecting the worse, make the effort to focus on the positive and expect positive results.

This might not be easy if your mindset has always been negative.

However, with persistence, you can change your mental habits and build a positive attitude. You will find plenty of information about positive thinking at this website.

It would help, if you strive to remove from your mind and from your vocabulary all negative thoughts and words, and refrain from using them in your conversation.

8. Give yourself motivational talks

Remove any negative commentary running in your mind. Be firm, and do not allow negative comments about you and about your life to run in your mind.

You need to be more aware of what is going on in your mind and not allow negative self-talk to go on in your mind.

9. What we wear, often, affects how we feel

What kind of clothes makes you feel better? What colors make you feel more confident?

Choose the clothes and colors you like, and the ones that make you feel more confident.

10. Your body posture is important

Keep your back straight while walking and while sitting.

11. Act confidently

Act confidently, even if you are faking it. In time, acting confidently will become a habit.

12. Let your voice be heard

When talking, speak up and clearly and don’t be afraid to express your opinions.

You Can Build Self-Confidence. It Is within Reach

The tips on this page will help you build your self-confidence. In some cases, you might need more than these tips.

Sometimes, if there is a situation of extreme lack of confidence, lack of assertiveness and lack of self-esteem, you might need to seek professional help, like a counselor or a psychologist. They would help you find the reasons to the their lack, and offer you ways to help you build them up.


  • To gain self confidence, you need to step out of your comfort zone.
  • Develop self confidence in your ability to achieve your goals.
  • Spend time to become a confident person, and feeling good about yourself, instead of feeling bad.

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”
― Lao Tzu

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”
– Dale Carnegie

“You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.”
– Michael Jordan