What is emotional detachment? You might have never heard about it, and if you did it, it is most probably that you have heard about its negative phase.
When I speak about emotional detachment, I refer to its positive phase, and it has a positive phase.
In its negative phase, it can mean lack of empathy, repression of the emotions and estrangement. I am not talking about this kind of emotional detachment.
I am talking about something else, about a positive quality, which is very useful in many situations. It can save you a lot of suffering, stress, and emotional upset.
What Is Emotional Detachment?
It is a state of inner calmness and poise, and the ability not be emotionally agitated by what people say or do, by events, and by your negative thoughts.
It is a skill, which can help you keep your mental and emotional poise and balance and not take things too personally.
Positive emotional detachment is not a state of indifference or passivity, and does not mean lack of interest or lack of feelings. True detachment is something else. It is an attitude of open-mindedness and being practical.
You can be loving, caring, interested in people, and yet keep a certain measure of detachment. This would protect you from becoming too attached for your own good, or emotionally drained by negative people.
People, who possess detachment, keep their poise when they run into problems or trouble. They accept the good and the bad equally, because their minds are in a state inner balance and peace. They do not get upset, if their plans do not turn out as expected. They try again, or look for a new approach.
If they succeed, they are happy, and if they don’t, they will either try again, or forget the matter and move on to something else.
- Ask yourself the following questions:
- Do you allow other people moods to affect your state of mind?
- Do you allow other people’s frustration, anger or emotions to affect you?
- How many times have you got emotionally involved with something against your will and better judgment?
- Do you get angry, frustrated or disappointed by trivial matters?
- Do you allow external matters to affect your state of mind and your feelings?
If you do, you need to develop a certain degree of detachment.
When it comes to personal matters, and to matters that involve the emotions, it is hard to avoid getting affected and emotionally involved.
This attitude is most useful in your daily life, in the pursuit of ambitions and career, in and of course, on the spiritual path.
How do you feel, when somebody says something nasty or makes an unpleasant comment? You would probably become angry, unhappy, or feel hurt. This happens because you let others people’s thoughts, words and actions affect your state of mind, your actions and your reactions.
On the other hand, if you are able to stay detached, you will not be upset and disturbed. You will stay calm and would not waste hours thinking about their words.
- Do you spend hours thinking about hurts, bad memories and failure, instead of finding ways to avoid these feelings?
- Do you allow yourself to be pulled into emotional thinking, worries, and fears, instead of detaching yourself from them?
- How much time and energy do you waste every day, brooding on useless thoughts and feelings, due to lack of detachment? Much of the anger, frustration, unhappiness and disappointments are due to lack of detachment.
During meditation, an endless number of thoughts keep coming into your mind, attracting your attention, and awakening associated thoughts and emotions. This makes you forget the meditation and follow your thoughts. However, if you can display detachment toward your thoughts, it would be easier to ignore them.
As you see, if you can prevent yourself from getting involved in these situations and affected by them, it is due to the ability to detach yourself from them. This is emotional detachment. It is a way to protect your mental and emotional well-being.
It is a most useful skill when driving. It helps you stay calm when you find yourself in a traffic jam, and when someone cuts your lane.
It is useful, when someone criticizes you or when someone treats you rudely. It helps you keep your composure and control your reactions in these situations.
It also helps you avoid resentment and holding grudges, because you rise above these feelings.
These are just a few of the many situations, where emotional detachment can be of great use. Remember, I am referring positive emotional detachment, where it is useful and saves you time and energy.
Emotional detachment means letting go, to let go of negative feelings, thoughts and memories. It means letting go of anger and resentment, and forgetting your frustrations, disappointments and failures.
In simple words, it means freedom from attachment to anything that harms and hurts you. It means adopting a calm, happy and balanced state of mind. You are not repressing anything or hurting anyone when expressing this skill in the right, positive way.
When you possess this skill, you are in a better position to help or advice people, because you become a calm and relaxed person, use your common sense and reason, and do not respond and react with anger.
You can develop this useful skill with just a simple training.
If you wish to know more about this topic and to develop this skill, you can find all the guidance and instructions in the book mentioned below.
Emotional Detachment for Happier Life
Imagine how free, calm and happy you would be, if you could stop taking things personally and getting upset by what people say or do.
Learn how emotional detachment techniques can help you let go of worries and negative thoughts, and deal calmly with upsetting situations and stressful people.
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